July 10th, 2009

Monty’s e-mails continue, provocative and flirty. There are phone calls to let me know I’m on his mind, making me so less interested in meeting anyone new. And yet I know it’s too early to count on him, to count him in, to trust him. This is the man who wanted us to take down our profiles on the second date.

He’s also the man who expressed his desire, in the fruit and vegetable aisle of Stop and Shop, to be a part of my life. Yes, he actually said that, as in: “This is what I want, to be a part of your life.”

I am lulling myself deep inside a warm sleeping bag of appreciation and compliments, all cozy and heart-warmed. Monty has a graduate degree in Woo.

The weekend after our second date, I am busy with out-of-town family visitors. “I’ll miss you,” he says. That Sunday after they leave, with the whole delicious afternoon stretching ahead of me, I feel comfortable enough to telephone him and suggest getting together later that day. He has work to finish; it can’t wait. “Oh, you’re wide open, are you?” he comments.

How do I respond to this? I can’t get that construction out of my mind. Wide open. It makes me unsure, off balance somehow and I think I am imagining and know I’m not imagining that there is a bit of The Game here. He’s put something in play and I’m not quite clear about the name of the game or the rules. Wide open. Why say that? His words I miss you I miss you lull me into thinking I am special and yet—there is this.

I invite him for dinner. Come hungry says my e-mail.

Sunny…pleaseeeee be aware ! there’s a red ring-tailed lemur on the loose ! ( a new genus of exciteable opposable thumbed , hairy long armed things from mars i suppose) just a guess…i will be coming to see you on an empty stomach ….will want (and wish for) a long hug …and kiss….a long look into your eyes…and hold you a bit……and maybe a banana ! i’m so looking forward to tomorrow

love, Monty

My brain cautions me, says Watch out! He infatuates easily. He told you he infatuates easily. Red flag red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red.

Other parts that don’t include my brain are thinking I’ve got an appetite of quite another kind.